Current Location: Kanchanaburi, Thailand
Distance Travelled in SE Asia: 2,015 km
Total Distance: 7,224 km
Snakes Dead and Alive: 18 Road Kill, 2 Live
Bottoms’ Status: Mike 3/10 when 10 is bliss; Judy 7.5/10
IN THIS POST
Sex in the Saddle – Part 2
Notes from the Road
Dog Tucker Update
SEX IN THE SADDLE - PART 2
Dear B 17 or Miss Brooks (whichever you prefer, I don't care any more),
It pains me to have to write this letter but the
pain is nothing compared to the daily suffering you inflict on me. I have no choice than
As you know, we have been together for eight months - long enough
to tell whether we have the makings of a permanent relationship. We knew
at the start this was no rip-your-clothes-off fall-into-bed kind of affair, but
we hoped our relationship would gradually deepen. It would be a meeting of minds,
of shared common interests and an understanding that as we became better
acquainted we would learn to care for one another.
|New, padded bike shorts of the type worn by wooses and|
The reality is that I seem to do most of the caring, and you
are nothing more than a pain in the arse.
I regularly apply moisturiser to your features, caress you
and even give you facelifts. Instead of softening and giving me the ride of my
life, the friction you cause has given me raw patches on my backside. For
comfort, you have slipped to 3 out of a possible 10.
|Moisturiser has done little to soften|
Now, I know you’ll argue it’s not all your fault. It’s true
I have lost weight and where once there was flesh to add some padding, there is
now just skin and bone - like an old horse. And the climate in Asia doesn’t
help - all that heat and humidity. But as I’m adjusting to the environment, so
I have expected you to do the same.
It’s with sadness I have come to the conclusion I can
tolerate this state of affairs no longer. So have bought a pair of fancy, lycra,
padded shorts of the cycling variety worn by wooses and girls blouses. It never
occurred to me that after 7,000 kilometres together I would be reduced to such
action. And I’m afraid it’s not going to stop there. Once you have absorbed the
contents of this letter I am going to reach into the tool kit and take out a spanner to reverse your last facelift by adjusting
your love bolt. By slackening off your leathery features I only hope your
skin will sag, soften and be more comfortable during the long ride ahead.
|Skin and bone like an old horse.|
If neither of these measures work, I can see no future for
|Tweaking Miss Brooks' love bolt or pleasure extender to|
reverse her facelift.
Mike the Captain
NOTES FROM THE ROAD
It was with a sense of relief that we rolled into the town
of Kanchanburi (scene of the infamous “Bridge on the River Kwai”) after days of
cycling up the Gulf of Thailand. Highway 4 north from Chumphon has been mostly
dual carriageway with lots of traffic, heat and not much else except for a wide
shoulder which kept us safe. Finding alternatives to the main road has not been
easy, as the map on our GPS is not detailed and we’ve felt under some pressure
to maintain daily runs of 80 to 100k as time ticks by on our 60 day tourist
|It was a relief to cycle into Kanchanaburi and hole up at a guesthouse|
with a view over the River Kwai.
The towns have been conveniently spaced so we’ve had little
difficulty finding somewhere to stay. And some of the towns, like Hua Hin and
Petchaburi, have beaches and history which make them worth a stop. But it has
not been our favourite cycling.
For days we’ve been aware of a clicking/creaking sound from
the front wheel bearing. We got it tightened at one bike shop which quietened
things, but didn’t fix the problem. The grumbling could still be felt by
resting a hand on the front forks and spinning the wheel. For TB200 ($8.00 NZ)
we had the ball bearings replaced at the ProBike shop at Hua Hin in the time it
took Mike to have a beer.
|A dual carriageway with lots of trucks|
and heat and a wide shoulder.
DOG TUCKER UPDATE
One of the advantages of being on a main highway is that the
dogs tend to leave us alone. We were both unsettled by our experience around
Khanom, where we were regularly chased by up to four at a time. But with
lots of traffic around us, the dogs (mostly) keep to themselves.
|You're dog tucker, mate.|
That said, we are taking notice of some tips from our
friends Stuart and Alison. They’ve suggested carrying a metal container with a
chain in it, and shaking the container as required. Apparently dogs don’t like
Another option “requires some bravery,” according to Stuart
and involves jamming a fist down the dog’s throat. Hmmm, we’re going to pass on
that one, thanks Stuart.
And the third suggestion is to get a metal anti-dog whistle.
We’re keeping an eye out for one of those. As Alison says it would be a lot
less cumbersome than a metal container and chain.
In the meantime, we are taking the advice of a man we met on
Koh Samui. He said when a dog gives chase, just stop. We’ve tried it several times and it’s worked
sometimes with dramatic results. On two occasions, the dogs panicked and ran away into the shrubbery.
|Nice name but where was it? We never found it.|
The title was slightly disturbing, I read the blog with fear and trepidation ! But the adventures seem to keep rolling along for you both :-)ReplyDelete